You know that voice in your head that tells you no matter how hard you try, you're just not good enough? Having a harsh inner critic can be tough, but what if you could replace it with a supportive voice? That’s the beauty of self-love.
This scientifically-backed practice is not about taking relaxing bubble baths and wearing face masks. It means changing the way you view yourself for the better. In this article, we take a look at the underlying science of self-compassion, and how you can increase yours starting today.
What Self-Love Actually Means
Let’s start with the basics. If you’re not sure what self-love means, we have a short and sweet (not to mention, expert-backed) definition for you. Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas, Dr Kristin Neff, describes the three components of self-love as the following:
● Self kindness (and not self judgement)
● Common humanity (and not isolation)
● Mindfulness (and not over-identification)
Self-love, or “self compassion,” isn’t about bragging, being perfect, or ignoring your flaws. Frankly, that approach verges on narcissism and is a dangerous game to play. Instead, it’s about acknowledging your imperfections without judgement, and knowing that they don’t make you any less lovable. When you practice self-love, it has a selection of real-world benefits.
Science-Backed Benefits of Self-Love
Self-love doesn’t just impact how you feel about yourself; it has a selection of mental health, lifestyle, and physical benefits. Let’s take a look at what the research says about self-love.
The ‘Self-Positivity’ Bias
Self-positivity, i.e. a positive perception of yourself, is the key to healthy psychological functioning. It influences your self-esteem, motivation, and determination levels, to name but a few positives. Of course, people with high levels of self-love, see themselves positively.
This bias affects how they move through the world. By holding a positive view of themselves they expect things to work in their favour and take more chances. That could mean going for a big promotion at work, putting themselves forward for a job, or even asking someone out on a date. Since they see the best in themselves, they are more likely to put themselves out there.
Mental Health Benefits
Before we go any further, let’s talk about why self-love matters. The mental health benefits of showing yourself a little more compassion are hard to ignore. For example, according to a 2023 meta analysis, self-love leads to a lower risk of depression, anxiety, and stress.
Of course, it doesn’t end there. Dr Neff’s research into self-compassion and well-being confirms that it builds emotional resilience, improves optimism, boosts happiness, and encourages higher self-esteem. It should come as no surprise that all of the above lead to better life satisfaction.
Simply put, investing in your self-love can make you happier, more optimistic, more confident, and more resilient to life’s struggles. These benefits are in no way small. They could be the very thing that help you to improve all areas of your everyday life.
Physical Health Benefits
We’ve covered your mental health, but what about your physical health? Research suggests that self-love often promotes better physical health outcomes. Self-compassionate people are more likely to exercise, look after their bodies, and use stress-reduction strategies.
Think about it this way: when you’re happier and more compassionate towards yourself, you’re more likely to look after yourself well. That could mean eating a healthier, and more balanced diet, hitting the gym, or simply going for a mindful walk after you’ve finished work for the day.
Motivation and Productivity
All too many people are under the impression that self-love equates to laziness. You might think that people who are compassionate to themselves, rest too much and fail to get things done. Nothing could be further from the truth. Dr Neff’s research shows that the opposite is true. People who have more self-love are more likely to be motivated to pursue personal goals.
In an education setting, like work or university, that may mean being faster at learning new skills or doing well in exams. When it comes to your personal life, your self-love could drive you to start a new hobby, launch your side hustle, or even do something creative like writing a book. The bottom line is that people who engage in self-love tend to set more challenging goals than others and, since they are fuelled by motivation, often reach or exceed them.
Better Resilience to Challenges
Have you ever wondered why some people bounce back quickly from a breakup, letdown, or even being fired? Those who love themselves are often more resilient, meaning that they can deal better with life’s disappointments. While none of our lives are free from obstacles, self-compassionate people may find it easier to deal with challenges that crop up.
Self-love leads to a better relationship with yourself, which means you have a stronger base when times get hard. While that doesn’t mean you can avoid feeling pain, disappointment, or failure, it does mean you can overcome it faster than other people might.
How to Successfully Build Your Self-Love
Think some people are born with an abundance of self-love while the rest of us struggle? Think again. Self-compassion can be learned. And, as the old saying goes, practice makes perfect. Below, we cover some of the best ways to improve your self-love on a daily basis.
Schedule Self-Compassion Breaks
Modern life is busy, and it can be hard to find the time to pause and be compassionate. However, that’s exactly what you should do if you want to reap the rewards of self-love.
The exercise, created by Greater Good in Action, takes just five minutes and can tangibly improve your relationship with yourself. To do it, you will need to find a quiet place, think of a situation that is causing you stress, and consider what happened or what may happen.
Next, use an affirming mantra, such as “This is stressful,” “This is a moment of suffering,” or “This hurts.” Validating your emotion is a mindful exercise that relieves the burden of stress.
You can then close this by saying “Suffering is a part of life,” and put your hand on your heart as you say something comforting like “May I accept myself as I am.” Whenever you need a moment of calm, fall back on this short practice.
Reframe Negative Self-Talk
Is your inner monologue positive or negative? You may never have given it any thought. However, if you struggle with self-esteem and self-love issues, it may be that you’re prone to negative self-talk. This is where you think negative things about yourself each day.
For example, when you come across a problem at work, you may think “I am stupid and can’t do this.” A more helpful thought would be “I don’t know how to solve this problem yet.” Simply adding the word “yet” to the end of a statement gives you hope and optimism.
Should you recognise negative self-talk as a problem, there are plenty of ways to combat it. One trick is thinking about how you might speak to a friend. If you wouldn’t say something about a friend, you should not be saying it about yourself. Choosing kind, loving words (rather than self-critical ones) will help to increase your confidence and have more compassion for yourself.
Write Down Three Things You’re Grateful For
Having gratitude directly improves your self-love and self-acceptance. Including a quick gratitude “check-in” in your schedule could make a huge difference to the relationship you have with yourself. While many people find journaling helpful, you can start small if you’re new to the practice. Writing down just three things you’re grateful for can improve your outlook.
Pick a time that works for you every day. Mornings tend to work well, as this practice provides an “anchor” for you to start the day. Get a journal and write down three things that you are grateful for. They can be big or small. You may be grateful for the sunny weather, the coffee you’re drinking, or the fact that your friend just sent you a funny meme, for example. The choice is yours. Make a habit out of this task, and you will certainly notice real results.
Journal Your Way to Self-Discovery
When was the last time you took a moment to look within? Journaling gives you the rare opportunity to pause and reflect on your inner-most world. The Within Me journal sits at the crossroads between self-love and self-discovery, giving you the chance to better understand yourself, start the path towards emotional healing, and create a life that rewards you.
You can work through the guided sections at your own pace, and sit with them for as long as you need to. Some questions will be easy, while others will challenge you in new ways. But they all have one thing in common; they are each a part of your self-love journey. Investing the time in this practice on a daily, or even weekly, basis can transform your relationship with yourself.
Takeaway
Self-love is an ongoing practice, rather than a destination you reach. By making small changes and using the habits we’ve shared, you can increase your self-compassion and become a happier, healthier version of yourself. The benefits are undeniable, and there’s no better time to start than right now. Start today by choosing just one practice that speaks to you.